www.montereycountynow.com OCTOBER 2-8 2025 MONTEREY COUNTY WEEKLY 21 It was time to end chemotherapy, Jilmarie Chapple decided in March. The breast cancer she beat years ago had returned and metastasized throughout her body. It was only a matter of time before she would die. The chemo ended, but so did the support she and her husband, Mike Legg, received from the hospital medical team. That all disappeared, Legg says, sounding a bit frustrated at the memory. The couple was not alone on the challenging journey, however. Monterey-based end-of-life doula Laurie Wheeler was standing in the gap. “I had never heard of an end-of-life doula before, but Jil—facing what we were facing—I don’t know where she got the idea, but she was the one who researched it,” Legg says. Chapple’s research in June 2024 led her to Wheeler, who seemed to be the right fit, both from reading her profile, and after Chapple, Legg and Wheeler met in a coffee shop in Scotts Valley, near the couple’s home in Boulder Creek. In the year before Chapple died at the age of 67, Wheeler was her go-to for advice, resources, guided meditations to allay anxiety, or just to talk, via the phone and video calls. “She provided a lot of comfort to my wife,” Legg says. In June, Wheeler assisted both Chapple and Legg in the final days, and then Legg in the weeks afterward as he prepared for Chapple’s celebration of life. Legg says he can’t imagine what it would have been like without the doula’s support. Wheeler is part of the growing number of end-of-life doulas, as she calls herself, or death doulas, an older term that is still embraced by some. The doulas mirror their counterparts, birth doulas, who provide assistance before, during and sometimes after a child is born. No matter the term, end-of-life or death, the doula’s mission is to offer compassionate nonmedical comfort, care and dignity for people transitioning from this world into the next. Several years ago, it wasn’t easy to find a death doula in Monterey County—only one was listed on a national database. Their ranks are expanding. The National End-of-Life Doula Alliance (NEDA) reports membership has grown from 260 in 2019 to over 1,500. Other organizations have launched in recent years with their own members as the demand for training and support has increased. That more people are getting into the career of caring for others at the end of life is a positive sign, but it’s also a challenging time for what is an unregulated industry. There is no standard for training or government oversight. There are organizations like NEDA or the International End-ofLife Association (INELDA) that expect members to abide by a code of ethics, but for now it’s up to consumers to vet the doulas they reach out to. “I wouldn’t call it a wild west, exactly, but there’s a very open space as things evolve,” says Linda Anne Goulet, who works and volunteers as an endof-life doula and leads grief workshops locally. “It’s a really interesting time in this field.” For the uninitiated, it can be confusing to sort out the differences between hospice and doula services. Settling our affairs and making a plan while we are alive and well is always best, doulas say. It is the ultimate gift to loved ones, to make practical decisions ahead of time and emotionally, to leave nothing unsaid. There can be “a beautiful death,” says Carmel-based death doula David Hahklotubbe (pronounced “hawk-lowtubby”), and that’s where doulas can be of service. He started in 1998 and has seen an interest in doulas grow in recent years. “It’s in the consciousness right now,” he says, “and it’s gaining a lot of momentum.”Benjamin Franklin famously wrote in a letter to French physicist Jean-Baptiste Le Roy in 1789 that nothing in life is certain except death and taxes. In the U.S. we have little problem with talking about taxes. We’ve been more reticent when it comes to talking about our own deaths, or the death of someone we love. “Not many people that I know really know how to be with someone who is facing such a horrible situation. Many people want to rally and say, ‘You’re going to beat this,’ or ‘rah rah’ and cheerlead, and that’s really not helpful,” Legg says. Doulas can provide a nonjudgmental, listening ear when loved ones aren’t ready to face reality. They can also, with permission, talk with friends and family and offer emotional support and resources. It’s just one of many ways that end-of-life doulas assist their clients. Different doulas will provide different services based on what they do best. Goulet points out that there are many ways doulas can be of service, dependAbove: End-of-life doula Laurie Wheeler started as a hospice volunteer seeking more meaning to her life. From there she decided to receive doula training and has been working both as a volunteer and in her private practice based in Monterey. Right: Mike Legg and Jilmarie Chapple on their last trip to Kauai in March 2024, a year after Chapple learned an earlier case of breast cancer had returned and metastasized. She began working with Wheeler in June 2024 and died on June 12, 2025. DANIEL DREIFUSS COURTESY MIKE LEGG
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