22 MONTEREY COUNTY WEEKLY FEBRUARY 13-19, 2025 www.montereycountynow.com Fear, mystery and shock are some words people use to describe their encounters with ghosts, those beings or things that appear and disappear in thin air. There is another type of ghosts that have become part of the routine in the digital age: People who suddenly vanish from your life. Ghosting, according to MerriamWebster Dictionary, is the “phenomenon of leaving a relationship of some kind by abruptly ending all contact with the other person, and especially electronic contact, like texts, emails and chats.” It’s a practice that has become more common thanks to social media and dating/meeting apps, whether those platforms are being used to socialize, date, or catch up with family and friends. Connecting and disconnecting from someone’s life is as easy as unmatching or blocking someone from dating apps like Tinder or Match; there’s also the casual non-response. It’s even more effortless when the person is not part of your inner circle—or you may never risk seeing them in person. “It’s easy for people to hide behind a screen, in a sense,” says Justine Juslyn, a life coach and owner of Monterey-based Sapphire Empowerment, noting it was less common before the surge of online dating. There are different reasons people resort to ghosting including avoiding conflict or confrontation, being overwhelmed by relationship expectations, lack of interest or struggling with mental health. Ghosters and ghostees appear more frequently in the dating realm, but people may also ghost friends, acquaintances or family members. According to 2020 research published in the International Journal of Environmental and Public Health, 13 to 23 percent of adults in America have experienced ghosting from someone they are dating. It’s part of a growing body of psychology showing that ghosting and the practice of “breadcrumbing,” or leaving suggestions of possible connection, can be damaging to mental health. Unsurprisingly, the researchers found, “the relationships which ended via ghosting were more short term and characterized by less commitment than those terminated by direct conversation.” In short, it’s a way of breaking up without having to break up. Juslyn says confusion seems to be a common factor on both ends. For the ghoster, “they’re not sure what to say to end the dating experience,” she says. For the ghostee, they may feel “rejected or confused by a sudden ending of communication.” Experts say many times ghosting results from a lack of good communication skills. In other instances it could be a form of self-preservation, especially if the other person is showing red flags like love bombing (excessive attention and affection in the early stages of a relationship) or controlling behavior. Noemi Gomez, a Monterey County behavioral health services manager who works with teens, says ghosting is a common practice among her young clients, especially if they don’t know how to end a relationship. “It might be easier to just not respond at all,” Gomez says. But there can be consequences. Gomez says the ghostee could develop trust issues or become more hesitant to date others since it can impact self-esteem. “You might not have done anything wrong, and depending on what’s going on for the adolescent, it could lead into maybe anxiety or depression, and definitely confusion and hurt,” she says. Dating during teenage years is very important because it can help young people develop their social and emotional skills and prepare them for relationships in adulthood. Kasey Rodenbush, another behavioral health services manager for the County of Monterey, says teens’ response to ghosting is more intense because they are still developing—and also because they are digital natives who are hyperconnected, expecting an instant response. Developing coping skills such as hanging out with other friends, limiting contact with the ghoster, focusing on hobbies could help to overcome the negative feeling of being ghosted. And if there is a pattern, ghosting or being ghosted regularly, people should consider professional help to break the cycle and move forward. “Therapy is very helpful when our regular activities are interrupted,” Rodenbush says. To build a healthy relationship Gomez recommends people focus on open communication, being clear about their relationship expectations and boundaries. And, as long as you feel safe, show basic courtesy: Write back to end the conversations you started. “It’s easy for people to hide behind a screen.” You See Me, Now You Don’t The world of online dating makes it easy to ghost people. But that has consequences. By Celia Jiménez Jove & Dating Ghosting can take place after just a brief exchange, after meeting in-person, or following a long-term relationship. Mental health professionals suggest responding to say you are not interested in dating, instead of simply leaving the other person hanging without resolution. Clarity can help both people walk away from even a casual connection. SHUTTERSTOCK
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